Preserves The Deal

That's not cologne, that's formaldehyde. He says it keeps him "sharp." I've stopped asking questions, Hishy — I just sign where he tells me to sign.

That's because every document we sign, he takes a little sip from that flask of his to "celebrate." I thought it was whiskey. Hishy, it is not whiskey.

I asked him that exact question. He smiled — with all his teeth, Hishy, all of them at once — and said, "embalming fluid, in moderation, preserves the deal." Then he winked. He winked, and I signed page forty.

Right, right, the goat sanctuary. Hishy, I've been meaning to tell you — page thirty-one, the one he had me sign while he was "celebrating" — I didn't actually read it. My eyes were watering. I think I may have signed the castle over to him.