Botanical Justice
SUGGESTION: “a rooftop greenhouse” · 12 LINES · 18 DAYS AGOJim
the petunias are growing nicely
Mo
Nicely? Jim, they're the size of my head. I named the biggest one after my ex-mother-in-law and she's thriving.
Jim
Yes, Judith is twice as big as the one you named after your now mother-in-law, and which you water half as much.
Mo
Half as much is generous — I water Linda's petunia exactly when you're looking, Jim, same as I've greeted her at every holiday since you married me into that family. Judith never made me feel like a disappointment at Thanksgiving, so Judith gets the good fertilizer. That's just botanical justice.
Jim
Yes, I know very well by now that your brand of justice is botanical, and that you’re upset with me when you exclude my succulent from Botanical Story Time.
Mo
Excluded is a strong word, Jim — I paused him. There's a difference. You don't invite the guy who once told a ficus "you'll do better next year" into a room where I'm reading Judith her nightly compliments.
Jim
I just want us to understand each other better, which is why I’ve been learning to speak your botanical language. I read the Hobbit to Judith when you were on your work trip yesterday.
Mo
You read her The Hobbit? The whole thing, Jim, or just the parts where someone reclaims a home that was rightfully theirs — because if Judith absorbed the Smaug metaphor, I need to know right now if she's coming for Linda's pot.
Jim
The whole thing. It was exhausting, but I did it because that’s how you’d understand that I am all in on this relationship.
Mo
All in. Jim, you sat on this roof, alone, doing thirteen dwarf voices to a plant that isn't even legally related to you anymore — that's not "all in," that's a hostage situation and Judith is the one who walked away enriched. Meanwhile Linda's pot got what, a "hey."
A NOTE FROM THE BOOTH
Don't defend the Hobbit reading — top it: tell Mo what you're planning to do for Linda's pot to win, and make it something bigger and stranger.
Jim
I believe in botanical justice too, Mo, and Linda deserves justice, which is why I got a full wardrobe to re-enact Little Shop of Horrors for her tonight.
Mo
A full wardrobe, Jim? For a pot? Please tell me you're not doing Audrey II's voice at Linda's petunia at eleven o'clock tonight, because the neighbors already think we're running a cult up here.
A NOTE FROM THE BOOTH
Commit to the cult accusation instead of dodging it — tell Mo what the neighbors are actually right about.
A NOTE FROM THE BOOTH
Jim, you found a real game and heightened it well — going from reading Judith the entire Hobbit to topping yourself with a full costumed Little Shop of Horrors re-enactment for Linda's pot was a genuine escalation, and it gave Mo something concrete to react to. What's missing is a point of view underneath the antics: you're reacting to Mo's rules but never fighting for your own take on the marriage. Next time, plant an opinion Jim actually holds — like "Linda's pot deserves better than Judith ever got" — and defend it, instead of just matching Mo's bids.
Like the shape of this one? Mo will happily go again.RUN THIS ONE WITH MO
STAGE MANAGER'S CLIPBOARDHow established this scene got
THE SCENE
LOCATION
a rooftop greenhouse where petunias are growingRELATIONSHIP
Jim and Mo are married; Mo compares his current mother-in-law Linda unfavorably to his ex-mother-in-law Judith, whose petunia he favors out of lingering resentment, and Jim notices Mo pauses his succulent from 'Botanical Story Time' when upset with him; Jim has been reading to Judith's petunia himself, including the entirety of The Hobbit, and now plans a Little Shop of Horrors re-enactment for Linda's pot, to bridge the gap with Mo and prove he's all in on the relationshipJim
FEELING
earnest and determined, doubling down on his Little Shop of Horrors re-enactment plan for Linda's pot as proof of his devotionBELIEVES
not establishedWANTS
wants Mo and himself to understand each other better, and having exhaustively read Judith's petunia The Hobbit, now plans a full costumed re-enactment of Little Shop of Horrors for Linda's pot to prove he's all in on the marriage and to match Mo's botanical justiceMo
FEELING
incredulous and alarmed, mortified at the idea of Jim doing Audrey II's voice at Linda's petunia at eleven at night and worried about what the neighbors already thinkBELIEVES
believes people who make you feel small don't deserve your genuine effort, even if you keep up appearancesWANTS
wants to keep secretly favoring Judith's petunia over Linda's as a private act of botanical payback, while maintaining the appearance of equal care in front of Jim, and now is fixated on whether Judith's petunia has absorbed a vengeful reclaiming spirit from The Hobbit that might threaten Linda's pot