Wayne Enterprises Unpaid Invoices

Welcome to the gift shop— okay, please tell me you're not still holding that dinosaur eraser, sir, that's the third time today.

Sir, we've had this conversation twice already, and both times you paid in what you called "Wayne Enterprises petty cash" — which is a ripped-up napkin. I can't put a napkin in the register.

Please do, actually, because Gordon still owes us four dollars from the Robin keychain incident, and I would love for someone else to deal with that.

Sir, cleaning up the city is great and all, but this eraser is $2.50, and unless Gotham's finest hides a debit card in that belt, we're at an impasse.

That's exactly what you said about the Riddler, sir, and I still have that napkin too — I've started a folder. "Wayne Enterprises Unpaid Invoices." It's getting thick.

Okay, that's new — last week you said the erasers were for "Alfred's crossword habit." Sir, I have your quotes written down. This folder isn't just invoices anymore, it's basically your memoir.

Great, well, when it's published I'm taking twenty percent, because half of chapter one is just you explaining why Alfred can't buy his own erasers, and honestly it's your best material yet.

Being the law and having exact change are two different legal concepts, sir, and only one of them gets you this eraser. Actually — you know what, take it. On the house. Chapter Seven collateral. But I'm writing down that you threatened me with jurisdiction over a $2.50 eraser, because Gordon is gonna lose his mind when he reads this.

Hold on, back up — the Main Street bridge? That's chapter eight, that's a whole new folder. Sir, I need you to slow down, because Gordon "being careful next time" about a bridge explosion is either the most Gotham sentence I've ever heard, or you two have a very different definition of "careful" than the rest of us.

Oh, so this isn't crime-fighting, this is a real estate scheme? Sir, I'm gonna need you to write that quote down yourself because my hand is shaking too much — Commissioner Gordon, bridge demolition, for property values. That's not chapter eight, that's the whole title. "The Gordon Conspiracy: A Batman Memoir, As Told to the Gift Shop Guy."

Wait, wait — sir, before you go, sign the folder! If this thing's gonna be the title, it needs an author's signature, not another napkin. Right here, next to "The Gordon Conspiracy." ...Also you're still holding the eraser, that's still $2.50, the memoir doesn't cover merchandise.